The word ‘surrender’ sure is loaded. To me, it used to mean waving that white flag, bowing my head in defeat, and slinking off feeling like a total loser. Like the times in wrestling when The Rock had his opponent in a headlock, and pinned on the mat. As the crowd roared and cheered him on, the only option his opponent had to catch his breath and save his life was to tap out and surrender.
I know that sounds a bit dramatic but hey, if you’ve watched wrestling, it’s a scene that plays out over and over. An opponent surrenders as if they don’t, it could cost them their life. Is that what surrender means to you? To tap out, give up and lose to the other person? Who the F*&K wants to lose??!!!
I’m here to shift the concept of surrender so many of us hold on to. Surrender doesn’t mean you have to give up or give in. It can actually be a form of acceptance, allowing the universe to work with you, and for you. Here’s how:
Sometimes we get so attached to an outcome or situation that we just can’t let it go. This puts us in a place of resistance; a state where we’re trying to control the outcome. It’s very much like being in a raft that’s trying to go down a river filled with garbage and mud. It’s hard - if not impossible – to flow through that river because the raft just keeps getting stuck in the crap.
That’s exactly what happens to us when we hold on so tight to frustrating situations, or ones that aren’t going our way. We try to force or control it, all while complaining and focusing on the circumstances … and all we get in return is stuck in the crap.
So what does this have to do with surrender? Everything, my sweet friend, everything! Surrender means seeing the situation for what it is. It’s about saying to yourself, ‘Ok, in this moment, this shit really sucks. But I acknowledge and accept it, and there’s really nothing else for me to do. It’s out of my control.’
Yes, I hear you - accepting things isn’t easy to do! And I wouldn’t advocate this if you’re trying to accept a situation that places you in danger or where you don’t feel safe. If that’s the scenario, please get support and get out immediately.
But if you’re not in immediate danger, what you need to do is find that sweet spot – where you can acknowledge where you are and accept it, while letting go of the outcome. In doing so, you stay open to even better possibilities. The universe has a much better plan for you than you could ever imagine, but by being stubborn and clinging to situations, you ain’t ever going to experience those better possibilities.
I have a simple but powerful example of surrender. I worked with a woman who was struggling in her relationship. The man she was dating just wasn’t available. He wouldn’t call back, and would flake when they would set up times to meet. She was constantly trying to control the situation and force it into something it wasn’t.
Finally, as hard as it was, she made the commitment to surrender and walk away. She focused on herself and invested her time in things she enjoyed with people who valued her. Within a few months, something interesting happened. That same man circled back around, apologized for his behavior and said he was ready to make a commitment. It’s been several months now, and they are in a much better place.
My dear friend, there will be times when you surrender and the situation you’re in comes to a natural end; whether it’s a job, business, or relationship. Just know this - when you surrender, accept, and let go, you’re creating space for even better doors to open. Sometimes the door that closes was meant to close; we aren’t meant to kick it down.